Surrender
by TripleThreatKat
Summary: Sebastian never stopped thinking about Blaine. He eventually becomes obsessed with the idea of Blaine being his. And he isn't going to let Kurt stop him from getting what he wants. WARNING this story contains sexual abuse, language, angst, and violence.
1. Give Into Me

_Breathe in and take my life in you_

_No longer myself  
_

_Only you  
_

_There's no escaping me my love  
_

_**Surrender**  
_

The first thing he could register was how much his head hurt. It pounded with pain and made lights flash behind his eyes. He went to place his hand on his head, but he couldn't. It was like his arms were stuck. He tried again, thinking that his arms were only asleep, but that was when he heard the low laughter. He opened his eyes and was only met with more darkness. But he could tell that he was sitting in a chair. He tried to stand but his legs wouldn't move. Suddenly, an overhead light flashed on, making his eyes burn and his vision go fuzzy. He groaned, but it sounded funny and muffled. Another laugh reached his ears. He tried to ask who was there, but he couldn't.

" Don't worry. You don't need to say a word. In fact, you are in no position to talk." A far too familiar voice said.

He was confused. He tried to lick his lips, but his tongue was blocked by what felt like fabric.

A gag.

Oh god.

He struggled to move again, but his hands were held together behind the chair. His legs were attached to the legs of the chair.

" Blaine..." hands squeezed at his shoulders and a pair of lips touched his ear, " It's pointless if you struggle. You aren't getting away from me this time."

Blaine tired to turn to see who his abductor was, but the hands reached up to keep his head in place while the lips started to kiss his neck. Blaine let out a muffled whimper.

" Shhhhh, Blaine. It's gonna be so much easier for you if you cooperate." The abductor kissed Blaine on the cheek and Blaine jerked his head away. The abductor rounded on him and slapped him across the face. Blaine cried out in pain. The abductor grabbed Blaine's chin and made him look him straight in the eyes. Blaine froze.

**Sebastian**.

" Listen to me. You are going to do everything I tell you to do. You are going to let me do whatever the fuck I want to you. If you don't cooperate, I will keep you here and make your life a living hell." Sebastian proceeded to straddle Blaine's lap. He roughly pulled the gag out of Blaine's mouth. " Understand?"

Blaine couldn't speak. He was too angry and frightened.

" I'll take that as a ' yes Sir'" Sebastian smirked. He grabbed Blaine's shirt front and crushed their lips together. Blaine tried to refuse, he did, but Sebastian bit him hard, forcing him to open his mouth. Sebastian moaned as he all but raped Blaine's mouth. No matter how much Blaine struggled or bit, it only spurred Sebastian on, and he started grinding on Blaine's lap

" Never knew you could be so feisty." Sebastian purred. Blaine felt sick. " Just think, you ran away from Ohio to be with that prissy bitch when you could have been with me."

Blaine's heart skipped a beat. Kurt. Where was Kurt? Sebastian attacked his mouth again.

" Mmmm... you don't know how long I've been wanting to kiss you, Blaine. Ever since I first met you, I couldn't stop imaging about how good you would taste."

" S-stop, please..."

" I'll never stop. When you ran away, I knew I had to find you. I had to find you and show you what you're missing."

" No! Fucking stop!" Blaine cried. He struggled against the restraints on his hands, and that's when he felt it. Or, rather, didn't feel it. On his left hand. The third finger.

" My ring." Blaine whispered high and panicked.

" What?"

" Where the fuck is my ring?"

" Why, I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

" MY ENGAGEMENT RING YOU BASTARD."

Sebastian slapped him again, and then a third time when Blaine tried to speak.

" You've just lost the privilege of talking, Blaine. And you were doing so good earlier. I would have loved to hear you scream my name..." Sebastian sighed and walked over to a table that Blaine hadn't noticed before and brought back a roll of duct tape.

" No! Please!"

" Sorry Blaine. Can't have you yelling at me. Kind of a turn off." Sebastian bit off a piece of the tape and straddled Blaine again

" Kurt..." Blaine whimpered before the tape cut off his speech.

" He's not coming for you. Hell, even if he did, what would he think of you in such a compromising position? And without your ring on? Trust me, babe, I'm doing you a favor."

* * *

_**Hi, you've reached Blaine Anderson. I'm not available at the moment, so feel free to leave a message and I'll get back to you!**_

** [ BEEP]**

" Blaine? Please pick up. I haven't heard from you all day and it's getting really late. Where are you? Please come home. You're starting to scare me." Kurt pressed the call end button. He went to the couch and sat down with his head in his hands. He tried to think back to that morning. It was Tuesday, so he and Blaine ate breakfast together, watched some T.V, and then Blaine went off to his first class of the day at NYADA. That was the last time he saw him. Kurt didn't even see him in the hallway in between music and scene study like he usually did.

_Maybe he's mad at me for some reason? We haven't had an argument about anything recently. Rachel hasn't seen him... maybe I should call her again. Oh God, where is he? Maybe he's still on campus...? I'll call Professor Leigh, he has her twice a day._

He did, and her answer chilled him to the bone.

" Mr. Anderson wasn't in any of my classes today. I though he was home sick."

" Oh... th-thanks anyway."

" Mr. Hummel, you say Blaine hasn't contacted you at all today?"

" Yes."

" If he doesn't turn up by tomorrow, I suggest calling the police. Better safe than sorry. I'll talk to some of the other professors and see if they've seen Mr. Anderson at all."

" Thank you, Professor."

" Good luck, Mr. Hummel."

The call ended. Kurt burst into tears and fell to his knees. He could feel it. He could feel in his heart that Blaine was in trouble. But what could he do? Nothing. He somehow managed to drag himself to bed and he cried until he fell asleep from exhaustion, holding onto the slim chance that Blaine would climb into bed next to him and apologize for missing the bus and tell him he loved him. That had to be it.

It _has_ to be.

* * *

" Blaine... oh _Blaine_" Sebastian moaned, fucking himself on Blaine. He bit and sucked on his collarbone, making the existing bruises even worse.

Blaine was crying, the tears rolling down his bruised face ( from his punishments) at the realization that the physical stimulation was going to make him unwillingly climax... again. He felt no pleasure when he did. Only guilt. The only person he was supposed to be doing this with was...

" Kurt!" Blaine sobbed when his muscles tensed and felt that guilt-ridden orgasm go though him.

Blaine closed his eyes and awaited the slap or punch or whatever came with saying Kurt's name. But nothing did come. Sebastian only glared. He lifted himself off of Blaine and walked back over to the table where he kept his torture devices, right next to the pile of fabric that used to be his clothing. Blaine watched him go, fear going though him. He started shaking when he was something flash in Sebastian's hand. Sebastian hid the object behind his back and walked back over to Blaine.

" What are the rules, darling? Are you supposed to say anyone else's name?"

Blaine glared up at him with pure hatred. Sebastian quickly straddled him again and clasped his hand around Blaine's throat.

" Are you supposed to say the word ' Kurt'?" Sebastian growled. He tightened his grip on Blaine's throat. Blaine gasped for air, struggling against Sebastian.

" I think you need a permanent reminder, don't you? You need to know who you really belong to now." Sebastian pulled out what was behind his back. Blaine gave out a sob at the sight of the knife.

" Let's play a game. It's sort of like hangman. Every time you break a rule, I'll add a letter. I'd say you've broken about, oh lets see, three rules? That's three letters of my name." Sebastian said with sick satisfaction. He pressed the tip of the knife into the skin of Blaine's chest and slowly carved out the letter _S_, purposefully dragging out the pain. Blaine screamed and thrashed in his chair as Sebastian started on _e_. The tight bonds around his arms and the ones around his waist that Sebastian had added dug into his skin and kept him in place while Sebastian finished _b_.

The letters were red, and blood ran down Blaine's chest. The sweat that covered his body stung the wounds, but what was really making Blaine shake and cry was the fact that those letters would _never_ go away. Even if he got out of this alive, Kurt would never want to be with him if he had _Sebastian _carved into his chest.

" Oh, baby, don't cry. If you had only been good, I wouldn't have had to do that." Sebastian lifted Blaine's chin. " Do you think you've learned your lesson?"

Blaine shook off Sebastian's hand. " Fuck you."

Instead of beating him, Sebastian only smirked. " You'd better watch your mouth, Blaine. There's six more letters where that came from."

* * *

" … He's about 5'9'', hazel eyes, dark curly hair. He was wearing a red tee shirt and jeans last time I saw him."

The policeman nodded, writing down Kurt's descriptions on a note pad. Rachel clung onto Kurt's arm.

" This whole thing is so out of character for him. I mean, he _always_ tells Kurt or me if he's going to be late or if he gets lost." Rachel said.

" Duly noted, ma'm." the policeman said.

Kurt and Rachel left the police station with the promise of " we'll do our best to find your friend." Kurt walked with his eyes scanning the faces of every person that passed by, hoping to see his fiance's face.

" Kurt... look, I know your scared. So am I, but maybe he's back at the apartment right now, waiting for us-"

" He's been gone for almost two days. He's not coming back by himself. He's in trouble, I know it." Kurt said through clenched teeth.

" Kurt, don't say that. I'm sure he's just fine. Finn is looking for him too."

" Rachel, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but we can't pretend that he's ok. He won't answer his phone, no one has seen him. Something is wrong..."

* * *

" STOP! GOD, PLEASE! NO MORE!"

Sebastian ignored his pleads. He watched the bright red drip off of the blade as another _s_ was formed on his captive's skin, humming a tune under his breath.

" You know how to make it stop, silly. Just say it."

Blaine let the tears roll down his face. " I... I'd be lying if I did."

" Really? Interesting..."

The letter _t _was scrawled out.

" Say it, Blaine. Say you love me."

" No- AHHHHH!"

* * *

Kurt woke with a start, his arms reaching straight out. He'd had the most horrible dream. He had seen Blaine, **his Blaine**, bloody and tied up in a dark room, screaming for Kurt. And he was stuck where he stood, unable to move while Blaine cried for him

_Kurt! Please, save me! KURT!_

Kurt fell back onto his pillows, sobs coming in constant waves.

Two days. It had been two fucking days since he had seen his love.

" I'll find you. I'll find you if it's the last thing I ever do." Kurt whispered into the dark.

* * *

" Eat."

Silence.

" Blaine, I don't want you to die. Just eat the fucking soup."

" You've already killed me." Blaine said through clenched teeth. The cuts spelling out _Sebast _stung, making Blaine hate Sebastian more than he ever though he could.

" Bullshit. I like you like this; completely and utterly at my mercy. It fits you. I think you were always meant to be a lap dog. You got pretty good practice with that bitch of yours. Do you always bottom with him, or-"

" That is none of your busine- AK!" Sebastian shoved the spoon into Blaine's open mouth. As soon as the soup went in, Blaine spit it out onto the floor. He saw Sebastian stand and throw the bowl against the wall.

" GOD DAMN IT, BLAINE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Sebastian yelled, giving Blaine another slap across the face.

" Me? I'm not the one who kidnaps and tortures people to deal with their own craziness!"

Sebastian got a look of rage in his eyes. He balled up his fist and punched Blaine on the side of his head, right on the temple. Blaine's vision blurred. Before he fell into darkness, Blaine saw Sebastian grab the knife and unbutton his jeans...

* * *

Kurt heard the phone ring, but didn't move to answer it. He knew it wasn't Blaine calling.

No one ever calls you if they've been gone for three days.

It rang two, then three, then four times before Rachel answered from the living room.

Kurt rolled over on his bed and covered his head with a pillow. He hated everything. He hated the police for not finding anything. He hated Rachel for suffocating him with comfort. He hated the teachers at NYADA for not figuring out that Blaine was missing sooner. He hated th-

" KURT! KURT! COME OUT HERE!" Rachel squealed.

" Why..." Kurt groaned.

" It's NYPD! They have a lead!"

* * *

Pain was his world. He couldn't see. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. His throat was raw from screaming behind the tape across his mouth. His tears made the blindfold wet. At some point Sebastian ripped it off, but Blaine closed his eyes tight, not wanting to look at the mad man currently raping him. The letters across his chest burned and throbbed with every heart beat.

He felt so dirty.

So violated.

So _worthless._

* * *

Rachel put the man on speaker.

" Someone came in today and said they heard screaming coming from their neighbor's basement. She said she looked though the window and saw someone who matched Blaine's description. Said he was tied to a chair, and-"

" Who lives there? Who has Blaine?"

" A man with the last name Smythe. Know him?"

All the color drained out of Kurt's face. All he could hear was a rushing in his ears.

" Sebastian."

* * *

" C'mon Blaine! You know you like it. Take it like a man!" Sebastian said, wrapping his fingers around Blaine's throat. He mercilessly pounded into Blaine's overworked body, not giving a shit when he saw the blood. In fact, the sight alone made Sebastian moan and come. As he came down, he ran his hand across Blaine's chest, letting his nails catch on the loose skin. Blaine choked out a weak scream at the bright pain.

" You see what this says? Do you know who you belong to now? Me! No one else, understand? NO ONE ELSE!"

* * *

As Kurt headed for the door, Rachel grabbed his arm.

" Kurt, wait! This could be really dangerous!"

" Blaine could be dying! I have to go!"

Kurt ran out of the apartment and down the stair to the sidewalk. He flagged down a cab and almost shouted the directions the policeman gave him to the driver.

* * *

Sebastian slowly peeled the tape off of Blaine lips.

" Kiss me."

Blaine turned his head away. He whimpered softly.

" I said," Sebastian grabbed that damn knife and held it against Blaine's throat, " **kiss me**."

" N-no."

Sebastian glared at him while he brought the knife to Blaine's outstretched arm and ran the blade down it, leaving a satisfying gash. Blaine screamed although he had no voice left. The blade was brought back to his throat. Sebastian pressed just hard enough to break the sensitive skin there.

" Kiss. Me."

Blaine cried in earnest and turned his head away. Sebastian wiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb.

" Oh, baby... shhhhh. A kiss will make it all better." Sebastian cooed, running a hand though Blaine blood-matted hair.

" Just stop... stop, please..."

" It's gonna stop. As long as you're good, I won't have to do this to you again. Here, I'll help you get started..." Sebastian gently grabbed Blaine's jaw and tilted it up. He brought his lips dangerously close to Blaine's.

" Now it's easy. Kiss me, baby."

* * *

Kurt hopped out of the cab, tossing the money though the window. A police car, an ambulance, and a few armed officers were already at the small house on the corner. The neighbors watched from their porches. Kurt ran over to the one officer he recognized

" Mr. Hummel, it's probably safer if you stay outsi-"

" If this is as bad as you suspect it is, Blaine is going to need some he knows in order to save him. If you take care of Mr. Smythe, I'll take care of Blaine."

The police officer sighed. He turned to the other officers. " Alright, everyone. Lets go."

Kurt ran over to the paramedics and explained what he would do. They nodded in agreement.

Kurt sat down on the floor of the ambulance and waited.

* * *

Sebastian touched his lips to Blaine's. Blaine reluctantly kissed back, but he was too weak to do much. Tears flooded down his face. With the knife still pressing into his skin, Blaine said barley above a whisper " Kurt..."

That is what got him stabbed in the shoulder. Sebastian punched and hit Blaine everywhere he could. He screamed at him, called him horrible things, and soon his hand found it's way around Blaine's throat. He squeezed his hand hard and Blaine pulled at the ropes around his wrist, trying to save himself.

" So this is what you want, huh? You like getting hurt as long as it means getting to see your fuck toy again. But do you know what I've decided Blaine? If I can't have you..." Sebastian raised the knife, ready to deliver the final strike, " _No one can._"

That was when the door flew open.

* * *

When the police were in, Kurt ran after them, the paramedics close behind. He ran though the small house and over to the door that he suspected led to the basement. He could hear the sounds of a struggle, and someone crying. Oh god, that was...

" BLAINE!"

* * *

People were yelling. It made Blaine's head hurt. Random faces swam into his vision, but he couldn't blink away the black spots.

Then, he heard it. The clearest thing he had ever heard in his life.

" BLAINE!"

" Kurt..."

**TBC...**

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I have no clue what demented part of my mind this came out of.


	2. Is This Real Enough for You?

Kurt ran into the dark basement, the temperature dropping dramatically. He dodged out of the way of the police who had a snarling, cursing, _naked_ Sebastian face down on the floor. He went straight for the dirty mattress in the corner. What he saw would never leave his mind ever again.

Blaine was tied down spread eagle, naked and covered in bruises, with a large open wound in his shoulder. Kurt knelt down, feeling completely numb. Blaine's eyes were open and staring straight up at the ceiling.

" Kurt... save me. Kurt... please don't leave me. Kurt..." Blaine mumbled. His voice sounded raw and strained.

" Blaine... sweetheart, I'm right here, see?" Kurt gently touched Blaine's cheek. Blaine jerked his head away and whimpered before the tears streamed down his face.

" Shhhh... Blaine. Shhhhhh, it's ok. I'm not gonna hurt you, sweetheart." Kurt soothed as he started to work out the knots on Blaine's wrists. Blaine kept on whispering apologies to Kurt like he wasn't even there. When Kurt freed his right arm, it just fell limply to the side. Kurt quickly did the same with the other arm.

" Look at me, Blaine. Please, let me see your eyes, baby."

Blaine didn't respond.

" He's in shock. Get him to sit up so we can stop the bleeding." one of the paramedics advised and handed Kurt a blanket. Kurt took it and slid his arm behind Blaine's back. Blaine started shaking and crying as his upper body was lifted up, but he stopped abruptly when Kurt wrapped him in the blanket and held him close, rubbing his back. He lifted his head.

" Kurt?" Blaine whispered, his eyes wide.

" It's me, honey. We're gonna get you out of here."

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief before he started to softly cry. He rested his bleeding head on Kurt's shoulder and just breathed him in; his shampoo, his spearmint gum, his _everything._

One of the female medics, Amy, knelt down beside the two lovers. " I need to get to his shoulder." she said, gesturing to the big blood stain on the blanket. Kurt nodded, but just as she pulled back the blanket Blaine yelped and jerked away from her hands.

" Blaine, shhhhh. Its ok, she's gonna help the bleeding stop, ok? I'm right here..." Kurt whispered to him and gently pushed the blanket back all the way. Amy took a thick square of gauze out of her first aid kit and applied pressure to the wound. As she did, her eyes traveled to Blaine's chest, which was partially covered by the blanket. She took Kurt's hand and told him to press down on Blaine's shoulder while she took a closer look. Blaine shrunk in on himself.

" N-no, don't..." Blaine begged quietly.

" Let her look, Blaine. She's trying to help."

_If he sees, he'll leave me. He's gonna leave me._

Amy gently peeled away the blanket, and her eyebrows furrowed.

" I...are those letters?" she quietly asked herself. Kurt looked down.

" Kurt... please, don't."

Kurt saw letters. They were caked with dried up blood and looked infected.

They spelled out _Sebastian. _

" Oh... oh my god..."

" I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO DO THAT! HE... he... wouldn't stop. Kurt I'm sorry! I'm sorry... don't leave me." Blaine choked before he burst into tears. His ankles were now freed and he pulled his legs in towards his chest, his face in his hands. He expected Kurt to get up and walk away from him. He was a disgusting excuse for a boyfriend and deserved everything that he went through.

Blaine didn't deserve Kurt. Blaine was an adulterer. A cheater. _A fucking whore_. He had another man's name cut into his chest. He wanted Kurt to go and find someone else. Someone better. _Get it over with and walk away, Kurt. You don't need someone like me..._

But Kurt didn't walk away. In fact, he wrapped his arms around Blaine and pulled him close.

" I'm not gonna leave you. I'll never ever leave you, Blaine. No matter what. I love you, so much." Kurt said, letting his own tears fall.

* * *

Kurt held Blaine's hand as the ambulance sped towards the nearest hospital. He'd already called Rachel to let her know what had happened, and she could barely contain herself over the phone. She promised to tell Finn and call his dad and Carole.

The medics had Blaine on a stretcher and were spouting out medical terms to each other. Kurt couldn't really follow what they were saying, but he caught words that made him worry; Concussion. Blood loss. Infection. Head trauma. Dehydration. _Penetration_. They strapped an IV port to his hand and connected a bag of saline to it which hung above his head. Blaine stared at it, his golden eyes empty. He flinched at the gentlest of touches. They covered him with a thick blanket to stop the chills he was having, and also to give him some dignity back. The florescent light made him look gaunt and pale, but Kurt quickly noticed how thin Blaine actually was. And how much his hands were shaking.

" Baby? Did you have anything to eat during all this?" Kurt asked gently.

It took Blaine a minute before he answered. " No. I d-didn't take the food he brought. I was scared he'd put something in it."

_He hasn't eaten in three days._

" Well then I'll just have to make all of your favorite foods for you when we go home. How does that sound?" Kurt smiled at him, but Blaine went back to staring at the saline bag. He never let go of Kurt's hand.

The rest of the ride was silent, save for the paramedics talking to each other. At the hospital, they wheeled Blaine into a triage room to await the first of many doctors and procedures. Kurt was waiting with him, just a nervous as his lover.

" Kurt..." Blaine said softly after a minute.

" Yes?"

" He took it."

" Took what, Blaine?"

" My ring... t-the ring y-you proposed w-with. I don't know what happened to it... I just woke up and it was gone." Blaine's voice began to get panicked. _He'sgonnaleavemehe'sgonnaleaveme._ Kurt gently shushed him and stroked his hair.

" It's ok. It was only a ring. I'm still your fiance, and you're mine. Losing the ring doesn't change anything." Kurt reassured him. He kissed Blaine's hand, right where his ring would sit.

* * *

**Author's Note**

more angst. at least Kurt is here to make things a little better! Right? Right...

p.s. i wrote this under the impression that both Rachel and Kurt were going to NYADA. And also that Finn was going to NYC with them. Awkward...


	3. You Can't Abandon Me

A blood transfusion. An MRI. A feeding tube. Countless stitches. Shoulder surgery. Medication. Morphine. And that was all in the first night.

The police had wanted to interview Blaine right away, but the man was reduced to whimpers whenever Sebastian was mentioned. They decided to settle on photographing every bruise, every cut, and gathered any and all DNA from him for proof of Sebastian's crimes. Blaine cried silently all the way through it.

Despite all the doctor's efforts to put Blaine back together, Kurt still found himself holding his lover as if he was going to fall apart. Kurt laid with him in the small, stiff bed and tried to make everything better. To make him forget.

But Blaine couldn't forget. He could still feel Sebastian's hands all over him.

The first night in the hospital wasn't so terrible. Blaine slept like a deadweight in Kurt's arms from all of the drugs being pumped into him. It was day two that made Kurt see that Blaine wouldn't ever be the same again. Blaine woke with a start after the drugs wore off, jerking out of Kurt's arms and curling in on himself. His hands gripped his hair.

" Oh god... oh god oh god..." he whimpered over and over again.

" Blaine, shhh, its ok. It's-"

" No... no! Stop!" Blaine was still stuck in his nightmare. Kurt touched one of his hands, but that only made his state worsen. Kurt pulled his own hands away.

" Blaine, look at me. It's ok now. Let me see your eyes. Look at me, baby." Kurt soothed. Blaine didn't- or couldn't- respond to him. He only seemed to fall deeper into his dream.

" He's gonna come back... he's gonna find me again. No... Kurt, help."

" I'm right here, honey! Look," Kurt gently placed a hand on Blaine's shaking back, " Open your eyes and look at me Blaine! Please!" Kurt's voice cracked with tears in his eyes.

Blaine's head snapped up, almost hitting Kurt in the chin. They sat still for a moment before Blaine's eyes finally found Kurt. He let out a sob, his body slumping into Kurt. Kurt held him and cried with him.

Blaine was broken; so broken that Kurt wasn't sure he could fix him. New York was supposed to be where all their dreams came true. Where they would be happy for the rest of their lives. Now this happens not six months into their first year. Kurt holds him tighter before he remembers how delicate Blaine is right now. Blaine groans at the dull pain in his shoulder.

" Oh, I'm sorry baby. I'm gonna call the nurse, ok?" Kurt said and reached for the call button.

_No. Don't make me sleep. He's there when I sleep. _That was what Blaine wanted to say. But he held his tongue. Soon, a young nurse came in with a syringe. She injected it's contents into the IV and left the room, promising to check up on him later. Kurt guided Blaine into laying down against his chest. Once he was settled, Kurt started a soft stream of soothing, loving words to him. Blaine clung to each one. He tried to fight the sudden feeling of drowsiness, but then Kurt was singing softly and perfectly into his ear. He struggled to keep his eyes open.

" Go back to sleep, love. I'm here, it's ok. I love you." Kurt said, kissing Blaine's hair. He tried to ignore the line of stitches hidden in Blaine's curls.

" But...h-he's there when I sleep. It scares me... Kurt."

" You're safe. You're safe here, with me. Just remember that, ok? You're safe." Kurt said. He resumed his singing.

Blaine finally fell into his drug induced sleep, Kurt's voice still with him.

_I'm safe... I'm safe with you. I'm safe..._

His subconscious disagreed.

* * *

On the third day, Blaine woke up to the sound of his own crying. He'd had the dream again. The one where he was tied to a chair and Sebastian Smythe had his mouth around his...

Oh, wait. That's not a dream. It's a memory.

Another wave of sobs came over him. He reached to the side of the bed, searching for the warm body that he was used to, but it wasn't there. He looked over and saw that he was the only one in the bed.

" Kurt?" he said, his voice wobbly and cracking. There wasn't a reply. Blaine's heart pounded.

_He's gone. He's gone. He left. He's not coming back._

Blaine pulled himself up into a sitting position. The pain medication had worn off, and sharp pain went though him, making him grab at his shoulder.

" K-Kurt?" he ventured again. Still nothing. Blaine looked down at his lap and watched his tears make little dots on the sheets.

The stitches across his chest itched, and Blaine lifted his hand to scratch before he could catch himself. The pain was like needles were piercing into his skin. He groaned deep in his throat, but he kept on scratching. Because he needed the pain; he deserved it, didn't he? It made him feel something. He dug his nails into the bandage around his chest though the hospital gown and dragged them back and forth. He did this even when he was sure there was blood.

He deserved this. He needed to hurt because he'd hurt his love. He wanted to try to see what Kurt was feeling right now so he could suffer thought it too.

He scratched until the pain was too much, but even then he continued. He was too lost in the cycle that he thought he had broken long ago. The cycle where pain was his friend and it would take away everything else. That was exactly what he needed right now. Blaine felt tears go down his face as he cried out in pain when a scratch felt particularly sharp. He closed his eyes and almost let the pain swallow him whole, but then, someone pulled at his wrist.

" You need to stop, Blaine, please." a voice that Blaine was both happy and frightened to hear said. He tugged his wrist away and resumed his scratching.

" Blaine! You're hurting yourself, stop!" the voice persisted. A warm hand encircled his and pulled it away from his chest. Blaine whined in protest, his eyes remaining closed. The pain was full force now, burning and stinging and throbbing. He opened his eyes, but his vision was blurred by hot tears. He could see the shape of someone in front of him, though. Kurt was there.

_You're back..._

" Does he have a history with this sort of thing?" an unfamiliar female asked.

" It was a long time ago, but yeah. He was- Oh, Blaine, shhh. Don't cry love."

Kurt bent over Blaine and took him into his arms. Blaine clung to him.

" You didn't... I thought you w-were... you were gone a-and" Blaine stuttered though his sobs.

" No, no Blaine. I wasn't gone. I was right outside the door with Dr. Menkins. I didn't go anywhere. It was so hard to leave you alone in here... I was coming right back, Blaine, I wasn't leaving you." Kurt soothed. " I'm never leaving you, alright? I promise."

The nurse ended up having to redo the stitches that closed up the horrid name on Blaine's chest. Blaine looked up at Kurt the whole time, Kurt's cerulean eyes brimmed with tears. Blaine would whisper apologies to him occasionally, and he was always answered with an " I know, sweetheart. I love you."

_You're still here, so you must love me._

* * *

**Author's Note**_  
_

I need to stop being so mean to Blainers when I write him.

In my headcannon, Blaine had some issues with self harm and depression while he was at his old public school. Nothing too major happened, just a few rough patches on his arms where he would scratch until the skin bled. He is able to get control after he goes to Dalton and meets Kurt. Then all this crap happens, and all of his urges come back, thus the intense scratching on the _Sebastian_ cuts. LE ANGST.

**EDIT**

**OK WOW I'M A FAIL sorry bout that. In my defense i uploaded this at like 1 am. ( runs away from angry mob)  
**


	4. Hands Up Slowly

On the fourth day, Blaine was discharged with orders of rest and prescribed with a light antidepressant. When Blaine awoke that morning, he saw that Kurt had some of his clothes from home and... Rachel?

" Hi, Blaine..." she said meekly.

" Rachel." Blaine said, his lips forming into a small smile. Rachel walked quickly to his side and enveloped him in a gentle hug.

" I'm so glad you're alright. I was so scared..." she whispered. Blaine could tell she was on the verge of tears. She kissed the top of his head and pulled back with a teary smile.

" Blaine? Sweetie, we're going home today. We're going home..." Kurt repeated, sounding relived that the nightmare was coming to a close.

Blaine was wheeled out of the hospital in sweats and a thread bare tee shirt to the waiting taxi cab. He didn't think he'd need the chair, but he was so weak when he stood up out of bed that Kurt had to catch him before he hit the floor. Kurt put the brakes on the wheels and helped Blaine out of the chair and into the car seat. Rachel followed suit and they were on the way back to the apartment. Blaine rested his head on Kurt's shoulder and only half listened to Rachel's light chatter, holding her hand all the way.

Blaine had to be wheeled all the way up the elevator to the apartment on the fourth floor. He was too exhausted to protest. When Kurt laid him down in their bed, he fell asleep almost instantly. Bad idea...

_" Open up." Sebastian snapped as he unzipped his pants._

_ " Please no..."_

_ It happened anyway. His jaw was forced open and had no choice but to cooperate or he'd choke. He relaxed his throat and cried silently while Sebastian mercilessly raped his mouth. _

_ " Good... good boy, Blaine. My little cockslut."_

" OH GOD NO!" Blaine screamed into his pillow. He curled in on himself, crying out again when the action agitated his injuries.

But then there were hands. Wonderful, warm, safe hands that touched him gently and brought him out of his hellish memory. A soft voice comforted him with loving words.

Blaine opened his eyes and saw Kurt there, laying with him in the soft glow of the bedside lamp. Kurt smiled at him, but Blaine could see past it; he saw sadness, fear, anger...

" Kurt..."

" It's ok, baby. How are you feeling?"

" Hurts." Blaine simply replied.

" Do you need some pain meds? I picked them up while you were still asleep."

Blaine quickly shook his head, but he couldn't hide his pained expression. " I don't like them, Kurt."

" Because they make you sleepy?" Blaine nodded.

" I know it's hard right now, but you need to rest. The more sleep you get, the-"

" It's not just that"

Kurt eyes were questioning. " What is it?"

Blaine took a breath. " They... they make me feel weird, like... I can't feel anything. I'm numb and it scares me. I need to feel something."

" Blaine, that's probably not a good idea."

" If I really need them I'll tell you. Please, I just want you right now."

Kurt sighed, but moved closer and held Blaine. He felt Blaine's arm go around his waist. The two men both relished in each others presence and warmth. A bit of normalcy was once again in their lives. They fell asleep for some time, and for once Blaine was spared from another nightmare. When they woke up, the sun was just coming up over the horizon. Kurt kissed Blaine's forehead and his lover's hazel eyes fluttered open. Blaine looked at him for a moment, then hid his face in the soft material of Kurt's shirt.

" How are you feeling now?" Kurt asked softly.

" Disgusting." Blaine said into Kurt's chest. Kurt's heart clenched.

" You're not. Blaine, you most definitely are not disgusting." Kurt scooted down until he and Blaine were face to face. The bruises on Blaine's face broke Kurt's heart. He tenderly kissed the blackest of them, the one on Blaine's right cheek where Sebastian had hit him multiple times, no doubt. Blaine's eyes drifted close, but he couldn't hide the fact that he whimpered whenever Kurt's lips made contact with his skin.

" Blaine?" Kurt said.

" What?"

Kurt took a breath. This was something he _never_ thought he would have to ask.

" Can I kiss you?"

Blaine looked up at him, eyes slightly watery.

_Yes. Please, you don't need to ask._

Blaine nodded slowly. Kurt leaned in and kissed Blaine's bruised lips so gently and softly. Even after all of the hell he had been though, never knowing if he'd be the same again, the sparks he felt whenever Kurt kissed him were still there- faint, but there. Blaine slipped his hand into Kurt's, a non verbal thank you. As Kurt pulled away, he saw the tears streaming from Blaine's eyes. But there was the faintest smile on his lips that gave Kurt hope.

" I love you."

" I love you."

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**Lo! I give you Klaine snuggles!**

**Sorry about not uploading anything for a while. I'm super busy with school and dance and life. But I am back!  
**

**I think this one is going to have two or three more chapters. Until then, friends!  
**


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